broken record.

I was prepared to tell you that I love you and that nothing will come between us. That I will try my best to be with you as soon as this is all over. That I am happiest when I am with you... and then you proved me wrong. You started the same argument all over again, even though you assured me it was resolved. It's like a broken record - You wanted to prove to me that you were better, you were stronger and that I should be lucky to have you. You showed me how you turned down other women and you think you are more mature. You dissapointed me again. Your words and actions changed my mind in an instant and all those feelings I had, went away, just like that.

I am back to where we started. I still love you - but I am not ready yet to give myself completely to you. Please stop making me..

crazy

you should worry when I am indifferent about it, not when I act incontrollable crazy.

lay with me

it's fine

I am trying to change, to make things better for us. Step 1: I am trying hard not to make a problem of little things - pointing out little promises you didn't keep; that one time you were fifteen minutes late and that time you said you would call back. I just don't want to be that needy girl anymore - I hate the feeling of wanting you more than you want me. Normally, I would automatically react and distancing myself from you, become cold, so you would feel what I feel. But now, I executed step 1: Took a deep breath, changed my state of mind, and thought, fine, it's fine.

a man's ego

what to believe

I feel that only you and I matter when you hold me. 

The world disappears. 

And here I am, selfish me, telling you I don't believe in fairy tales.

you blow my mind

choices

to go or not to go.

so bad

I think you're only doing it to get me back because you feel hurt. If that's the case, I am relieved. If you hurt me without caring - I want to break up because when you hurt me, it hurts so bad.

You're the only one who is able to do that.

you wanted me back

it was heartbreaking

it was sense of relief

it is hard to say what I really felt

but it was definitely happiness when you said you wanted me back.

it was over

We were lying in bed, facing each other. You stroked my cheek and kissed each finger of mine. A tear rolled down your cheek and then mine. You turned away to hide your face: You couldn't understand. You didn't want to understand. You broke my heart.  We ended it. Childhood love, high school sweethearts, all gone. 

the fine line between love and hate

The reason why I hang on to you is because when we are happy, we are intensely happy. You and I are proof of real chemistry. We are both childhood love and high school sweethearts. We share the same ambition and humor and I love how I can act like a weak little girl because you are the strong and confident one. We wrestle and make love and we are more than a couple, we are best buddies.  But the reason I have doubts about us is because when we fight, I feel my heart literally aching. I want to cry, shout and kick. You’re the only one that can make me feel ecstatic and at the same time complete out of control. I now understand the fine line between love and hate.

i hope it's not too late

I was young and foolish for thinking I had the right to play with your heart. I was inexperienced and flattered so I went along with the ride, thinking that it eventually would come to an end. I broke your heart and you were confused. I don't blame you - Don't get me wrong, our time was real; my heart would race when I saw you, my head would pound when you touched me, and heck! I even drank to get rid of the nerves, so yes, it was real. You were the sweetest boy a girl could have wished for but I did not appreciate it and tried put it to an end several times. However, it never did and we stayed together - I don't recall my feelings and thoughts, I pretend to know but I have forgotten why my actions were so irrational, but now I now know my feelings and thoughts - I never understood 'being made for each other' and now I do. I regret my hurtful words and I am truly sorry, from the bottom of my heart. I wish I could change it or convince you that it is different now and you are all I want. Nothing can stand in the way of  my feelings for you... except for our past. Let it go and don't make it haunt us. I said I'm sorry - All I can do is hope you have the patience for time to tell and let me prove it to you. 

hello goodmorning